#20. Cold; Mathematics

"Your first impression on me is that you're very cold.."


"I talk to you in camp hor, got the cold cold attitude.."


"You didn't eve like to open up, .... dao?"

*

I feel like crying. Mathematics always makes me feel helpless and as if the entire world has given up on me, although I love Maths very much. Doubled the helpless-ness. Sometimes I really wonder what would have come of me if I were still to be taking PCME now, that is if i were taking Chemistry instead of Further Maths. Will my life be easier? Would I feel better? Maybe I will have less tutorials, period. Everything is just as hard, given their different natures.

I guess its always those that you love most makes you very sad, isn't it?

Actually I'm quite afraid of not being able to get myself S-papers at the end of the year cos I know very well how I'm ranked and how GREAT my grades are. GP is another big headache for me cos I too know very well how lousy my sentence structures are and how my foundations (tenses, grammers, etc) flare, and worse comes when I've no big words in me to boost my essays.

Sometimes up till this stage of life, I still feel confuse and wrong. Although many many times I remind myself that I do can take things easy and everything will be fine at the very end, I still doubt myself, a lot. Precisely, because I realised that many times no matter how hard I tried, I still stay where I was, all I've done was to go round in circles, wasting precious time.

Many times, I cannot help.
I really cannot help myself.