I won't cry, just yet.

Its really enough lar.

I'm not forever so strong. I can take it once, twice, trice but not one after another. I'm a human too, I've got my feelings, my emotions. There's this extent that I can hide whatever I've never wanted to show. I can be disappointed too. I can be everything that you never thought I will be.

Oh please, I'm almost 18 already. I don't want to cry in front of you anymore. Remember that there's this limit I can withold. Remember this, remember that.

Perhaps I should nv care anymore.
Love, care and concern are bullshit. Really, believe me.

Happy Birthday Father.
Stop trying to make me listen.
Stop trying to make me hide.

我拥有我的姿态。

我们清者自清。

*

很久很久了。
该改变的都变了。

我的花让我开。
我的花儿让我自己开。

我要往前看。
我要独自往前看。

这次我保证。
我保证不再回头。
我真的不会再回头看。

寂寞里，我会找到你吗？
世界之大，我会遇见你吗？
黑夜里，连海与天之间的那界线都不见了。

世界，太大了。
我，太渺小。
爱，太微不足道。

4th Inter Jc Expose 2006 - Green Category.

After almost a month of preparation filled with blood, sweat and tears, our final destination was reached and ended last night with 9 golds, 8 silvers and 11 bronzes. Everyone was elated and so was I and for the very first time I was on the verge of tears of joy when we were announced the overall champions again.

Thinking back on the past month and all that trainings with my team, I was sort of disappointed when we were awarded a bronze medal in the end and yet we know we already did our best and to lose to our very own team 2 in the end(the second tj green team got a gold), its alright, cos they do deserve it much better than us.

Team category aside, to be awarded the bronze medal in the individual green poomsae category was much a surprise for me. I mean I thought I really screwed up every round all the way till finals and especially the finals where I did one movement wrongly; seriously I don't know how on earth I managed to pull through the 4 rounds. I guess partially it was the pact I made with Jiadi in the semifinals and we did it!!! Haha, we kicked out all that we promised to and Jiadi did TJ proud with a gold medal in the individual green!!! :)

And here is my green belt team one with our seniors:




And for Poling, Teresa and Yingle: Really a million thanks for all that we've been though for the past month. From being really different to really being the same, from twisting to striking, from being tense to having a million relax sessions, from diamond to diagonals. We've had our imperfections. We've had our painful times. I'm really sorry for screwing up our first pattern every other time and even during our finals. We could have gotten better but we know we really did all that we can and Team 2 is really good. I'll remember to remember these days. I'll rememeber being the da bei zhou team and all the bloody sessions we've been through. Thanks for all the memories. Thanks for all the joy. Thanks for the medal. Thanks for being MY team.


And hereby I shall close this chapter in my life: 4th Inter Junior College Taekwondo Expose Day 2006.

The Day

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

Pray for what we ought to deserve.
Work for what we should get.

Forget the fears.
Forget the tears.

Let us just fight.
Just fight.

We can do it.
Just believe.

1 hour and 5 mins to go.

Will you be there?

I came to realise today that life is a lot about repetitions. Repeated situations, similar circumstances, same words, characters alike. Again and again, the same happenings, the same mistakes, the same endings. Well, perhaps only the people involved changes.

*

Its 11.28pm, 25 May 2006 now. We're 24 hours and 32 mins from THE DAY. I'm quite surprised to be in a rather relaxed mood, and I hope this does extent to the day itself. I guess I'm relatively tired from all that training, though its not like that intensive these days that, I just cannot help not being tensed anymore.

Jia you people. Believe we can do it again.

*

Spare me the unwanted pain.
Stop me for wanting to love again.
Tell me that you are not gonna be the one.

高处不胜寒

好，有时候不是以肢体样表现来衡量的。
我要的好，很 intangible。
我需要的是一点点地关心，一点点地了解，还有一点爱的表现。

什么都不说，并不代表不在乎。
什么都不表现出来，不代表风平浪静。

其实，快乐与悲伤，是可以并存的。
那不是掩饰。

伤心，难过，哭泣是没法子解决事情的。

快乐，与不快乐，其实只在一线之间。我要快乐；那是个选择。
决定快乐的去面对，那是我的选择。

人，往往都是要为了自己的选择而付出代价的。那是个 responsibility.
既然这是我的决定，我的职责，我恳求你多包容我，给予我我需要的支持。
我只想好好地为自己，为大家拼一次，就这样罢了。再给我一点支持好吗？

原谅我的无礼，我有我的理由。
我有我的原则。我必须为了我的原则继续的努力。

加油了，婷！

爸，
就一次，我为加油，好吗？

五年迪斯尼约定

Arh, Marcus I've been tagged before already, so here it is:
The Perfect 8 Qualities

*

I'm tired, paranoid and afraid.
And badly desperate.

Nights.

Won’t Let You Fall

Performed by: Fergie

I’ll never let you go
So never let me go
I will be your journey and you will be my boat
Down the stormy path
Love will never come to pass
You will be our anchor
Although the winds may blow

And through the depths of high and low
Wherever you will go, I’ll follow to the end
Back again you know

Won’t let you fall, fall out of love
Coz together we’ll be holding on
Coz all we have is us
Won’t let you go, go away again
Because life don’t mean nothing at all
If I don’t have your love

I will dry your tears
Take away your fears
Let me be your shelter
Your heart is safe in here
So beautiful and pure
Nothin I would not endure
Oohh… love has got me blinded
I can see it all so clear

I’m damned for you for whatever anything you’re going through
What’s mine is yours every little thing I got you here and when
Where’s a change comes smashing down and crashing on you

Don’t have your love
If I don’t have your love
No… oohh
Ever let you go, never let you go
Let you fall, let you fall
Fall out of love

The Way the heart yearns to stir again...

Experience teaches me to be sensitive.
Yet experience didn't say anything about being too sensitive isn't good either.
It gets you into alot of trouble cos this very intrinsic sensitivity that was only discovered recently sets one thinking a lot.
Sometimes even I myself awe at how I actually decipher words and behaviour. Sometimes, its so scary.

Yes, I'm very tired and I dunno what I'm seriously blogging about.
Being mentally strong and physically weak is a terrible thing: your mind keeps working while your body stops.

The Someone is a variable.
You know I need this variable, for an arbituary hug.

Sometimes I wonder if its you.
Or you.
Maybe you.
?

This is just too random.
Night.

有些话，还是只想对你说...

在倔强的背后，看不见的伤口。
在微笑的背后，放弃自尊挽留。
给我一个理由，
让自己往前走。

苦笑。
要坚强的苦笑。:)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

回忆真的可以洗去?？

我想回忆也许能被洗掉，但感觉永不消失。
　　
即使已完成洗脑程序的人，最后还是再一次相遇，再一次爱上，因为他们只对某的人、某的事，产生感觉。
　　
就像我开始爱吃辣的食物，这是我天生的、本来的爱好，难道会因为失忆而改变吗？
　　
既然相遇，那是一种奇妙的?份，洗去彼此的共同记忆后，还是有一特?的东西?引著彼此，那是?，是回忆的感觉。所以，?你走到那曾经?抱的地方，也许你已忘?当时的情境，但却能感到似曾相识，心底好像有些什么，好像有某些?西在心底里拼命?扎，渴求??在脑海里。
　　
也许，在相处的?程中，有?不少争执，对彼此开始讨厌，於是，希望能摆?那些伤心的往事，开展新的生活，所以人们?定要进行"洗脑"。
　　
在洗脑的过程中，男主角首先忆起的是最近不愉快的经历，然后渐渐想起热恋时的幸福，於是渴望停止"脑洗"，然而却无能为力。
　　
男主角不?竭力留住回忆，却看著曾发生的逐一消失，这时，他才发现，他不舍得。 　
　
坦然，人们往往只看到眼前的事物，争执中的男女无法想起曾有过的美好，我们的思想愈来愈狭隘，?彼此的缺点无限地放大，若然男女主角能静下来想一想，?醒那些曾有过的快乐回忆，是否可以避免无谓的浪?？
　　
与人相处，始终是需要包容，我们要明白，没有人是完美，也没有记忆是完美的。有快乐，自然也有伤害，但，只要我们包容那些伤心的往昔，同时保有幸福的往时，在我们的脑海里，永远都存在热恋时，那不朽的阳光
*

我应该忘记了，因为还在寻寻觅觅。
　　
生命中我求的?西，可能一早已经出现，我还苦苦向前经营，也许只会离他越?越远。寻找Neverland，在乎我什么时候愿意停下来，扔掉面具，回头看看。

Fucked up.

Enough is enough.
Come on, tell me how to do it. Tell me what to do.

You're sick and tired. So do you and you.
Then what about me?

I've to be strong right?

Yes, be strong wendy. :)

I hate him, 1 2 3 4 56!

Argh, I don't want to practise anymore!!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! #$@%#%@$@%#$@%$#
do, do, do, like got help likethat! grrrrrr.
ARHHHH im jus so sick so sick so sick so sick so sick.

Oh please someone take my leg away. i want my stupid thigh out of my sight. grrrrrr!!!!

RAHhhHHHhhHhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I should try calling pig to vent all my irritation.
GRGGRgrgrgrgrrgrgrg!!!!

629.

To stop the past prefect.
To talk nothing about then anymore.

Till the day you're gone.
Anything for you.

Forever Happy.

I'm just so lucky to survive week 8.

2 more tougher weeks to go. 加油咯，大家！
Meanwhile, lets take a good rest this weekend. Yups.


Omg, stomachache. I wanna go 大便了。Goodnight.

All you've got to do is to laugh unhappiness away. Simple.

Emotional Appeal; Still.

Believe me, it hurts.... Not everybody is so lucky to fall in love just once, and for all..... In fact, true love with all that passion and stuff does not last forever; herpes do. But you have to recognise that there are other more important things in life for us to look forward to. There are dreams that we want to fufil..... Its cliche but true: if you really really love someone, set him free. If its really meant to be, he will be back. Believe me, he will be back, eventually.

-Love Matters talk.

I guess its when you really really love someone, to the extent that you choose his happiness over yours that you set him free. You set him free to love, someone else.

改变

This is just so freaking stupid.
I'm like forsaking my tonnes of tutorials and sitting here for like almost 2hrs, trying to key in every possible variation that I could think of just to obtain some stupid contacts of someone heading a particular club like half a Singapore away.

And now all that I've got as a possible source is a unrealiable friendster account and a hotmail account which I don't even know if those people ever check. And my deadline is like 3 days away, or rather, their deadline.

Its 11.33pm now, I've got to go off to do my work and catch some sleep before another long day tomorrow. Today's Physics test was terrible. I doubt FM-A on Wednesday will be any better given tomorrow being an optional co-curriculum day.

I'm going off to read my never-gonna finish maths tutorials.

Goodbye.

一切一切的改变，都只为了一个原因。
一个不变的原因。
这样的改变，是为了不变。
不变。

Balancing.

Well well.
Fucked up, and thats all.

Say goodbye to physics test.

我们来玩一个游戏，游戏的名字叫做忘记你

My Timetable

school.train.sleep.school.train.sleep.
school.train.sleep less.school.train.sleep lesser.
school.train.sleep more finally.
and,
sleep.train.mug.sleep.
train.mug.sleep.

*

何苦要执着于曾经的伤痛呢，看看身边看看周围，其 实还有更多的事情需要我们去忙碌，更好的东西需要 我们去珍惜，更远的目标需要我们去实现。我们不为 谁而活，不为谁而苦。感情越复杂越细腻的人越容易 受伤害。没有人能逃得了生活的艰辛，一切皆是注定。 既然来到了这个世界上，就得做好准备去承担一切忧 愁、烦恼、痛苦，甚至于??折磨。以前，是永远都 回不去了，不管如何的后悔与懊恼，都无法让过去重 来一次。什么样的曾经，都已成为历史，什么样的将 来，也无法去预料，而最重要的是，既然活在此时， 就要努力让自己过得好。

所以，为何要强求去忘记呢？放宽心，顺其自然，你会 发现，原来，其实忘记，是很容易的。

It starts...

a little earlier than we all had expected.

The days of mental and physical torture are almost back again. For the last 24 days for preparation of our grand battle: determination, motivation, inspiration and lots of team work. 24 days of pain for the 4th year of glory.

We will make it.

Forget all that mindless academic battles for once. Forget all that unhappiness. Forget all that love and pain. Forget all that discouragements.

For once, fight.

I will make it.
At least I'll try. :)

Everything Mathematics.

I think I'm getting sick at the busiest time of my 18teen year old life.

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. You don't have charge of the constellations, but you do have charge of whether you read, develop new skills, and take new classes.” --Jim Rohn

I need a change for all that I cannot possibly change.
For my medals and my tutorials, 加油咯！

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. " - George Santayana