#121. Ten to the power of minus nine.

I shall study very hard now so that I can get a good job later, make lotsa money so that I can study again. :)

Yes. Yes. Yes. I can! I can! :D

#120. The Plumber's Daughter.

I still cannot expunge those thoughts of disgust, irritate and the feeling of being cheated from my mind after like so many days or so I thought. Now and then, the very thought of how stupid I was, made me really feel that I should give myself a tight slap on my cheeks.

And I think my level of suay-ness have yet to reach its maximum now that my toe is well-recovering, there's been a feel of an illness brewing inside waiting to explode anytime. Hais, I do love to be sick once in a while but not all at the same time! Argh!

Anyway, I've finally discover how an irritating mugger pig I used to be back then. Now, how I wish I could be unaffected and do things at my own pace. Grrr..

Ciao!

#119. I should stop putting rotton apples in the basket.

This week is gonna be a real busy one with mock spa, 2 tests on friday and all that catching up of lectures and tutorials. Its really kinda sad you know,that after a short break from all that hectic lifestyle due to one reason or another, you find that life becomes worse than before. It becomes even more sick just to think that the holidays are just two weeks away yet is already so packed to the point that you wish it's never going to come. But somehow or another, I do like the way life is to this extent that it leaves you no chances of escaping into thoughts of nonsensical stuff which apparently has been the greatest waste of time.

Last night was apparently one of those time wasting ones which I actually thought alot about the things happening lately. Very much, it boils down to the people around me which I seemed to have brought up a problem some entries ago. Here, it might be a little cryptical to read but I have to write around in circles cos I don't know if they wil be reading this and I don't want to cause unnecessary misunderstandings. And somehow I've no other places to confide than here.

The thing is, there hasn't been a problem until I tried creating one. I mean, all the time we had fun together, we laughed, we joked until one day I realised that I don't belong. I feel that I don't belong where I chose to be. Perhaps I didn't define my identity right in the first place, maybe I just didn't blend into the crowd. I tried to, but I just couldn't help. I just couldn't find a common fabric between us which I can possibily hold on to. I cannot.

And then I felt disgusted too. I stil feel so. By the way I've always been thinking, the way I spoke, the things I want to speak, and even the way I had tried to be. I feel more disgusted when I thought about how I'd tried being nice, sincere and thoughful or even friendly.

Maybe a little angry and betrayed as well.
But thats not the point, and now I know why physically my toe went numb!

#116.

My stitches still sting whenever I try walking a lil more while my balukus have already heavily subsided to become alike ugly birthmarks.

School hasn't seen me for the past two days and that meant that I've earned myself a long weekend with my big, fat and bloody toe. However much I wanna make full use of my 2 day MC, I really felt the urge to attend lessons today cos' I wanna get Mr Ngoh to explain the remaining Mechanics questions which I couldn't do at all and the unemployment lecture which I've got no idea what Mrs Ang is talking about. All Father did was to boycott driving me to school cos he thought I couldn't make it back on public transport with the speed I'm walking.

I really needa study abit today so I've planned the following:

1) 1100 words, 17th week. (done!)
2) Finish Magnetic Field tutorial.
3) Finish discrete random variable.
4) Study unemployment.
5) Study AC.

Cya Around!

#115. History

Again and again.
Boy, when will you ever learn?
Disappointed.

*

What an expensive accident!

#114. I said I won't cry anymore.

What a painful day; so suay that I must mark it down.

2 baluku-s, a chipped nail and 4 stitches on the toe.

Anyway, thanks everyone for your concern and help. :)

I'll be fine.
Hee.

#113. The Worse Hair Day.

It has been eons.
I thought I was a happy girl again.
Now, it's come piercing from inside like never before.
I tried turning to people once more, only to discover they had been my source of pain.


I just don't wanna lie, no more.

Don't worry, it hasn't been about that since.

I'm just a little lonely and tired perhaps desperate. Haha.

I'll be fine.
I'll be fine turning to maths.
I'll be fine, ultimately.

#112. And I made you my source of distraction.

TJ's 20th roadrun is finally over this morning. I was the 106th girl (of out like nearly 700) to complete the 3.6km race. Though this is like the first time and last time I'm running this route, I thought it was never better, in the sense that wasn't as long as I initially expect it to be compared to the previous 3km trial ones and I was faster I thought. :) I guess it was the atmosphere, the competitiveness you can never get back in jyss. Its like here, you only can run, nobody walks like the four yrs back at bedok reservior. One encourages another, we push each other on; motivation. I love this spirit.

Then I spent a tiring warm afternoon at the scape for some sextremly responsible carnival hosted by wei's sister and her NTU people. There was nothing much too interesting except for the Melissa joke and Derek's (from Project Superstar) performance. For once I thought these Superstar people actually got some real talent now that I listen to him live, much much better than over the tv. Haha.

I still got 8 GP articles to review and lotsa work.
Lala.

*

Sometimes I'm wondering why I'm trying so hard to be someone I'm not.
Restrain, Suppress. Sometimes its just feels so terrible, about lying to myself, being someone to accomodate my surroundings. Seriously I don't know if this is right.:(

Luckily JC's only 2 yrs and its only a few months more.
Next yr will be better. :)

#111. How much longer?

This is the fortress I chose to build and therefore I shall and will pay the price.
No whys, please.

*
Mug, eat, sleep.
Mugging is not everything in life.
Fortunately or not, thats all that I've left.

#110. Valentine's 2006

Happy Valentine's everyone :)
Happy Birthday my green idiot.

May love be with all of you. :D
Nights!

#109. Don't Ever Look Back on Us.

Finally, its Friday.

*

Yuan Xiao on Sunday, Valentine's on Tuesday. Love seems to in the air everywhere I am, in school, on radio, on tv, in shopping malls and even when doing newspaper articles. Can't these moneyminded people just leave the singles alone and stop being a thorn in the wound? Haha, I'm just joking lar. I haven't even got the time to sleep to talk about being sour for having no proper dates for valentine's or rather no practical reason to celebrate it, if not for my friends. :)

Actually, the flowers, bears, expensive handicrafts and all the other stuffs sold under LT one for the past week were cool I must say, though I didn't buy any. I like hand-making my own can? :)

And now what, my best friends are fighting with econs test over me for a valentine's date? Haha, this is how sour we singles can be you see? Lala. I don't wish for a date with any of you, I wanna study my econs test! Hoho! Well, I mean, I hope all my friends get a date of their own and not with me, but a proper date with a boy, good dinner, romantic thereafter. Afterall, this is what Valentine's is about right, being with your romance partner and the whole bullshit crap created for sour singles about Vday also being a Friendship day is just a lie we refused to admit lar hor. I hope you people can go out with someone you really wish if possible. I mean, this is the best time to let people know you love them if you haven't got the chance to.

But if love doesn't give u a choice for the moment, like it did to me, you can always approach me. I would love to go out with you, provided if you like to curse and swear about the couples who flood the streets and mall that day. Or I can always tell you to 'go on and cry, here's my shoulder'. :)

*

Some really cool stories:
PC Little Red Riding Hood
Three Little Pigs


Goodnight!

#108. Week 6

This week is a fast one. 2 trial runs of 2.8 km each are finally over,and also(meaning 3+km next week, thrice)one of the two sessions of monsterous tkd trainings. GP essay for double period tmr, then fm test on fri, after school somemore(groan!), then one more training and its the weekends again!! Yay! I can't wait.

But its kinda sickening at the same time cos I haven study for the 4 chapters fm test, AT ALL. Somemore its tested on like polar? WTH, I think i didn't even finish reading my lecture notes and tutorials, for last Oct. And Gp essay for tmr too, haven study. Oh yes, still got mechanics and econs.

Again, happy new year wendy! Hoho!
Oh yes, its still CNY, but why am I suffering all these shitE?
Oh well, JC sucks. I mean it. Its fun lar but it sucks most of the time alright? So, students awaiting their results this fri who happen to come across here, don't choose a JC route!!!

GRRRR, I'm not regretting, just lamenting.
Alright, goodnight pple.
Cya soon.

#106. 进退两难 - 林志炫

我真的不愿承认你心中 有个完整的世界随你躲
那儿有山有水有天 留不下空缺让我来填
要痴痴等待很简单 要若无其事很困难
要让你信任很简单 要和你恋爱非常难
曾经我费尽心思 走到你心门口
我努力努力 这门槛我却始终跨不过
我悄悄回头 发现来时太执着
把路都踏破 我进退两难 我进退两难

我真的不愿承认你心中 有个完整的世界随你躲
那儿有山有水有天 留不下空缺让我来填
要让你感动很简单 要给你快乐很困难
要忍住孤独很简单 要把你忘记非常难
曾经我费尽心思 走到你心门口
我努力努力 这门槛我却始终跨不过
我悄悄回头 发现来时太执着
把路都踏破 我进退两难 我进退两难

你只当观众 你无动于衷 你动也不动 你头也不回
你让我 进退两难 我天长地久 你不想拥有
我给你所有 你却只要自由 你让我 进退两难

One of my favourite songs on the radio these days.
You know.Very apt.

#105. My Boy.

Vann, this is just so dumbdumb lar. GRRRRR, why tag me? (Ma fan) Ok, since you're so eager to know .... :)

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. Need to mention the sex of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post again.

Sex : Male

Qualities
(Not in order of importance):

1. Speaks my Language.
Good Mandrian, preferbly good 文笔.

2. Emotionally strong and stable.
I cannot stand man who always crumble to me, calling for emotional help. Its alright to feel insecure about life sometimes, but you know, not too much of anything. It would be best if you're a really strong person, emotionally and physically. :)

3. Gentleman.
I got this from Vann, haha. I think men should be sensible enough to offer help when I really need them. No need to pull the chair at a kopitiam but be at least kind enough to volunteer to send a girl home when its reasonably late or carry stuff when I cannot manage. (I've got so much to say for this point 'cos tkd guys really lack this initiative that I've to ask for volunteers everytime, grrr, haha.)

4. Not too sensitive.
The reason is simple, I'm just not sensitive enough myself, get it? When you get too sensitive,you freak me out alright? :)

5. A house-husband material.
I love food, so if you can cook, I'll love you. Hoho! If you can mop, Bonus! And, if you do sew, Bingo!

6. Filial.

7. Passable looks. Tall and good build.
My boy needs to look presentable right?

8. Nocturnal.

Lala, I'm done. I'll save the 8 pple from this game first till i decide who to tag :)
Goodnight!

#104. 一辈子的孤单 - 刘若英

我想我会一直孤单
这一辈子都这么孤单
我想我会一直孤单
这样孤单一辈子
天空越蔚蓝 越怕抬头看
电影越圆满 就越觉得伤感
有越多的时间 就越觉得不安
因为我总是孤单 过着孤单的日子

喜欢的人不出现
出现的人不喜欢
有的爱犹豫不决
还在想他就离开
想过要将就一点
却发现将就更难
于是我学着乐观
过着孤单的日子

当孤单已经变成一种习惯
习惯到我已经不再去想该怎么办
就算心烦意乱
就算没有人作伴
自由和落寞之间怎么换算
我独自走在街上看着天空
找不到答案 我没有答案

天空已蔚蓝 我会抬头看
电影越圆满 就越珍惜伤感
有越多的时间 就越习惯不安
因为我总会孤单
过着孤单的日子
因为我总会孤单

*

今年的情人节啊，是肯定不会寂寞，也不会孤单的啦。哈哈！
好消息是情人节隔天有 econs test. 嗨，真是“幸运”！不过其实也还好啦，反正也没人约... lala， 努力努力在努力！yeah!

又是周末咯！
累累累,今天的 training 虽然蛮 slack 的，不过那最后的 basic kicks self training 还真的蛮累人的！我好讨厌我的屁股哦，老实害 sidekick 练不好... GRRRRR!

Anyway, 我还真喜欢礼拜五晚上 :) 终于可以好好的补充睡眠，休息休息。
晚安！