Mind of a Sportsman.

I finished 2.4 trial run today with 14.20 and I was really damn sad. I've always have my own way of doing sports: to stop at the right time than to run continuously just to keep the momentum. Not able to withstand the entire journey continuously, I know that I would always have to stop somewhere at the 3rd or 4th round, halfway through the run. Today, I didn't, I thought by going on continuously I can finish the run with better results which apparently I ended up 30s slower.

With that, I learnt a lesson today: to stop as deemed appropriate, do things at my own pace and never compete.

Quoting Limin in her very sweet note for me yesterday, "Those who keep trying will eventually finish the race and I believe you can finish it."

I do hope my next run will reap better results, and so for the next race.

Ok. I've to go finish up my tutorials after that reflection. :)

Goodnight world.
Goodnight you.
Remember to mug hard everyone (:

Never compete, never compete.

5 weeks to prelims.

I keep feeling as if I haven't revise anything at all and I'm lacking behind in my schedule.I feel like I've got soo much yet sooo little time. My class people are freaking me out.I don't want to do badly anymore.I need to get my ACJC prelim paper done by tonight. I need to feel a little more urgent about the exams. I need to get down to my compre now. My friends are really driving me crazy. I cant seem to understand the mechanism behind particles and rigid bodies no matter how hard I tried to do so. Thats why I'm still in consideration to drop my fm. I need to finish physics, vectors and my tutorials tomorrow. I want to talk to somebody now, but to who? Talking is a waste of time and yes, I should get down to my compre NOW!

ARHGHGHRHGHRHGHHGHRHGHHGH!!!

uyhvb teuion v jkzxpihoh8 mgrhi v ru9 wt 9uy w p ww9 9u 9 IEU GY C URIURT CRIVNIU 9750-6826N V8 06B998Q870-6843680=69970V JI GRG9MU TB (THIS NO CODE, JUST THE RESULT OF MY VENTING OF PRE-EXAM FRUSTRATION)

I'm driving myself crazy, oh yes I'm!
This is too random and not making sense, so don't doubt your language proficiency, its mine.

STUDY NOW!

Back on Track.

I think the best thing that can happen on shuffle is to have all your favourite songs in a row :)

Lum requested for this so well...

Maybe I should quickly finish this and get down to my 2004 paper.

I love to eat, sleep, mug and stay slim.

I don't understand why am I even doing this.

I lose sleep when I've something bugging me.

People say I am the epitome of coldness.

Love is something currently undesirable.

When I like someone I lose my head.

Somewhere someone is meant to be.
Somewhere someone is being missed.
Somewhere someone will be here for me, eventually.

I will always be ambiguous.

Forever is a moment.
Forever is always.

I never want to be too rich.

I think the current US President has nothing to do with me.

I will never forget that 背影.

My past is still part of me.

My greatest fear is not fearing at all.

I get annoyed with stupid people.

My dog - this is not a valid question.

Kisses are the best desserts.

Tomorrow is another day closer to prelims. Hais.

I really want to score well this time.

I have low tolerance for stupid people!

I want to watch The Lakehouse, can somebody please volunteer to go with me?

Drop or Mug Now.

To stay true to my innermost emotions, I've decided to hang in there for the meantime. For those who wants the best for me, to suggest me to give up the subject, I'm sorry but I want to give myself another try. For those who think I can do it eventually, I will try my best not to disappoint anyone of you.

At the end of the day, I will pay for any consequences for the choice I've made to hold on now. I want to hold on not because of anyone but myself. I want to challenge myself for one last time; without any intention to compete with anyone or whatsoever. Mother is right, I wasn't born to be a normal girl and should have been very blessed just to be one now, and for all that opportunities I've been given, I shouldn't give up on myself when they didn't give up on me 14 years ago.

I wouldn't drop the subject as for now.
I might change my mind but now,

this is my choice, anonymous.

好朋友的一句忠告。

“你根本都没有去尝试，你怎么知道那双鞋子不耐穿？
只有在试了之后，你才有权利下判断。只有把鞋子买下来，穿过了才会知道最终的结果。
这样的道理，就跟你所面对的问题一样。你一定要做个选择，你一定要去尝试。不管你最终的决定是什么，给自己一个机会，因为只有这样你才能知道最后的结果。让你的心做主。”




面对问题，
我常选择原封不动，什么也不做。问题还是问题，烦恼还是烦恼。
给自己一个机会去尝试？我害怕。
我的恐惧似乎已盖过了在新的领域或过程中，所有的新发现，新收获。

我需要一点勇气不再逃避。
我需要一点尝试的勇气。

To Hang On or Die.

I don't want to be rational.
I don't like to be afraid.
I don't want to make a choice.

The Mugger's JournAl.

Today was a fairly productive day studying with Kaisin at tampines library. As expected, we were the only ones and well, it was a great time mugging, eating, shopping and chatting. Its sure a crazy idea going out with the sister of your best friend but its fairly good I supposed. And to some extent, we do click. :)

Anyway, have I mentioned that Father got me a free TCC membership card- The Connoiseur Card, FOC? Oh yes, 'cos he sort of had a new project with the plumbing works of quite a few outlets so I might as well make use of the chance to make him get one for me. And so, ya I saved S$88. :)

I've to go complete an essay so that I can have something productive for tomorrow's tuition.

Goodnight world.
Goodnight to you.

Crossroads.

The least a stupid person can do is to make smart choices.

Some told me to be the mouse which struggled to turned milk into magarine or cheese or whatsoever. Others adviced to die a peaceful and effortless death in the sea of obstacle. Choices are always hard to make cos' consequences are never easy to bear.

I seem to have an answer to this yet this part of me gradually saw the rationale to refute my grounding. Circumstances and environment changes one's viewpoints, mindset and whatsoever, and maybe its time for me to accept this change in me?

Choices are bad enough yet the day doesn't seem to let me off that easily when the bus broke down almost 500m away from my place. The worse thing of all is that excellent service of the transport system actually requires its passengers to pay an extra boarding fee( for the second bus which came to rescue us) when supposedly we were the victims of the incident.
Damn stupid!

Well well, thanks for all the advice but I think I stil need sometime of my own before a decision can surface. Anyway, this was rome2ng's best observation of me in like 6 years,
ж?σииε | maths sucks | says:
you have people to talk to, but you just don't want to talk to them cos you think they cos you to pay your hp bill
ж?σииε | maths sucks | says:
you know alot of things, but you always think too much,
ж?σииε | maths sucks | says:
but neither you are humble with what you have, and always nv listen to people, that makes u think u don't know alot

and his best words so far,
ж?σииε | maths sucks | says:
i don't need to 6 years to understand you to pen down this observations
ж?σииε | maths sucks | says:
we just need to remember, nor matter how we try to change, some thing deep inside will still remain intact
ж?σииε | maths sucks | says:
it's only thru experience, setback and everything that we encounter, allows us to see our inner self
ж?σииε | maths sucks | says:
well, its still not saddening. you still have alot of bright years more to live on. it's only 17 years right now, for you

Haha, its quite saddening for him to take 6 years but its surprisingly quite true isn't it?

Sometimes all you need a such a friend. :)

Numbers shouldn't be complex.

Thats why they always tell us to think simple.

3 weeks after my brains had failed me, the streneous mugging and burying of oneself in books has already taken evident toil on me. My already serious sweaty palms problem has gotten from bad to worse causing me serious problems writing, and even now whilst typing. And worse comes today's slackest group PE lesson of all which comprises of only 1 round of track and a few sets of galley nafa training, which apparently made me faint and nausea. It just doesn't seem quite right when I could usually run like 2 to 3K and feel more than just refreshed afterwards. I just don't seem right.

-

Revision these days are lacking in time with tonnes of leftovers from the previous weeks and mountains of unattainables within the current. Luckily the long weekend is coming for me, though packed with activities, will leave me enough time to complete tutorials and catch up with whatever is needed :)

My last training, grading, family matters, JTS and lotsa revision: I'm so forward looking about the weekends and hopefully I can squeeze sometime out to satisfy my shopping crave.

-

Why on earth would we want to squareroot minus 1?
Numbers really shouldn't be complex.

Goodnight world.
Goodnight to you.

Constants.

There are times when we demand an explanation an explanation really isn't possible.

Blink, Malcolm Gladwell.

Distractions.

Sometimes when you really want to get your ass down to get something done, stupid things come taking up your precious time; I meant GSC.

Its the start of a new week already, meaning we are on the 7th week before the major one. Despite not procratisnating, I'm still lacking in my schedule. Therefore, I must do something about this, QUICK!

Anyway I'm currently planning for my after A's list which will be posted at 备忘录 soon, when time permits.

For dreams,
its time to get back to my 10 tutorials of mathsc mechanics.

Goodnight world.
Goodnight you.

Optimism is a choice.

I abhor sad people.
And so, I had no choice but to be happy.

Conquering Defeat.

We should live in the present for the future.

This was Teresa's msn nick, apparently on the issue discussed this afternoon during pattern training. We talked about dropping subjects, continuing subjects that we flunked like no tomorrow, and the cost-benefit analysis of it all.

At one point in life, I thought success was all and failure was hard to do. Yet when there really came such a time, I came to realise that its actually not that hard to accept defeat. At the end of the day, I reap what I sow and reap nothing when I don't sow at all. The hardest thing to accept is to realise that you haven't put in the effort to even try to win at all.

Meritocracy never sound more cruel than the day you realise you're at the failing end. At another point in my life, I forgot the way my society values hardwork and the way I used to keep on fighting. I forgot how I used to love knowledge and how I went beyond my limits.

Luckily, I didn't remember that too late.

The thing is, I do not want to drop my subjects, at least for now, even when my grades are really atrocious. I just don't want to waste putting 1.5 years of my life into something and not getting anything out of it in the end, when I know that I can iff I've put in the necessary.

If you've lost your way like I did, its never too late to be back on track again.
I believe I can conquer my defeat and for that,

we should always move on.

Just Study.

This weekend is really unproductive with only one econs mcq done from my entire week 2 schedule. Yesterday saw me shopping for donuts at taka after gp tuition and today was totally devoted to my dear dragonboating. Even though only like 6 or 7 of us year2s are there, the weather was freaking horrible and my physical condition was tramatising at the very end, it was fun fun fun!!! After that, we had 6happypeople+Mathias steamboat at my place.Hoho!

I'm just so glad school starts at 1155 tmr cos I get to rightfully watch the match tonight! And France will win! Hoho, I'm not actually a French supporter la, just that everyone thinks Italy will win... wells.

Anyway, C bought me this box of supposedly limited edition chocs this afternoon whch according to him is a 1/50 import: meaning mine is like 1 out of the only 50 in Singapore :)

Luckily I'm a lil of a football fan but apparently I've no idea which jersey belongs to whosoever. HAHA!

I must go read my freaking tall stack of newspapers from like a month ago before the finale starts.

Goodnight world.
Goodnight you.

I just hope I'm thinking too much and that doesn't mean anything.

I Think of You- Tata Young.

When I'm down and all alone
When nothing seems to matter
When I lose my hope
When I'm sad and confused

When it all gets turned around and 'round
I can't seem to reach for solid ground
When everything I've believed in seems untrue
All I have to do

Is think of you
I think of you and it's goneLike you chase away the storm
Making it all okay
I think of you
I think of you and I'm strongAnd I know I can go on
It's like you set me free
When life gets the best of me
I just think of you

Cause there's nothing I can't bear
Knowing that you will be there
If I fall I won't break
Through it all I'll make it through
Cause all I have to do

And when I think I'm all alone
I can't see the way to go
Lost in the rain of my own tears
To wash away the pain and fear

For the good times and the bad times
I just think of you
Cause you know you get the best of me
I just think of you

I still love this song after so long cos there hasn't been once it doesn't sound so truｅ．

I just think of you.

Jersey Day.

After almost 4 days of tramatising post jcts, I guess I'm finally back on track. While I'm still in the process of my 把自己找回来 project, I'm really quite glad that terrible things are happening now than like 2 or even 4 months later. All I could really say is that, I've really learnt my lesson that I just freaking lack the innate intelligence that some of my counterparts possess.

Anyway, college has been admist a World Cup atmosphere these days with Jersey Day this morning and a coincidental half day on monday. Thats a really happening way to start a stressful term arh.

After serious considerations of embarking on a fulltime mugging journey, I cancelled today's movie date like 3 days ago after the very first tramatising effect. I was really sorry about it but I guess anyone is the right state of mind with good understanding of my situation would know that this is seriously not the right time for distractions. Well, those who don't understand don't even deserve.
Whatever it is, I just hope today's conincidence doesn't give anyone any wrong signals or anything.

LALA, I should go off to watch some Desperate Housewives before doing work again.

I MUST finish eigenvalues and t-test today.

加油加油！

把自己找回来。

我这次又迷失了方向。

前面的风光现在对我来说很模糊，
我没有信心自己能走到终点。

虽然是有点彷徨，失措。
但我并不伤心。
我真的没有伤心。
因为我很清楚地了解这样子没有用。
我很清楚的知道，只有开始努力才能继续走下去。

我必须化悲愤为力量。
我必去把自己找回来，从新开始。

接下来的日子会很艰难。
我需要很多勇气，更多的毅力走下去。
支持我吧。
因为我也在支持我自己。

婷，加油咯!
勇敢地把这条路走完...

输了你赢了世界又如何

朦胧之间 仿佛我又看见你的脸
依然带著淡淡忧愁的双眼 忽隐忽现
就当全是一场梦 不必掩饰我的错
无奈的哭笑不必找牵强的理由
就让她日日夜夜刺痛我胸口
让我眼神没有焦点
泪水模糊我的视线
输了你 赢了世界又如何
你曾渴望的梦 我想我永远不会懂
我失去你 赢了一切却依然如此冷清
有谁又能让我倾心 除了你
你我之间 难道没有剩下一点点
一点曾经刻苦铭心的眷恋 让你挂念
我只能说如今我已无处可躲
当我默默黯然回首
当我看尽潮起潮落

-优客李林

这一天的心情真是糟透了。
明天可就要接受成绩的打击。
虽然已有所预料，还是难免担心。

总总的事...

有点鼻酸。
不想哭；却很想有那种流着眼泪的感觉。

我肯定是神经质了...

Lock my world and lost the keys.

I'm like so damn tired after yesterday's work. I feel like my legs are breaking and my mind is topsy-turvy after all that incessant persuades and rejections. At least the pay was good, iff you try hard enough, which I didn't. Haha.

Kboxing with Mother tmr.

Tired tired tired.

I need some serious planning for the path ahead. But before all that, sleep is all I need now.

Goodnight world.
Goodnight you.

A Good Day Needs a Good Start.

Today's 8happypeople outing failed to have a full attendance again and so we 6happypeople basically went for a eat-watch-eat-slack outing. Lunch was at Carl's Jr before we headed for Superman at Marina. Then we ate at Ben & Jerry's before eating again immediately after that at Kenny Rogers.

It certainly has been long since our clique's last outing.
Reynold and Graeme are not in the pictures. LALALA.

My Mama and Papa. :)
Papa and Meili :)
Lum and Xy.
Mama and her 2 daughters.
Finally Papa and Me, Xiaci.
Pa and Ma getting scandalous. I think I see fumes from Daddy.
They were supposed to act couples.

Anyway, this is the pencilcase which occupied my whole of last night:

My Proud Work. Hurhur!

Upclose. I just sew the name btw. Haha.

Alright. I'm off to read my xiaoshuos.
The good day had a good start.
Goodnight.